I read an article today that really resonated with me. A woman wrote a controversial article about marriage that many people are commenting on. Many people don't agree with what she wrote....but I do. I'll share it with you in a moment...
When I was in my 20's and 30's I honestly could count on one hand how many happy couples I knew. Those couples that truly loved each other, respected and supported each other, were honest with each other, were passionate with each other, shared their lives together as a team....that you just knew would grow old together. I started thinking it was a rare thing to find.
But why do we, as women, still want to get married so bad? I know there are exceptions...but most do. Sometimes so bad that we are willing to forego...sacrifice even...some things that are necessary for a truly happy marriage. We then wonder why we end up disappointed...
I say this because it happened to me....well, it almost happened to me. I got caught up in the hype. I got engaged at 27 years old. It became about "getting married" that excited me. I got a gorgeous dress. The country club was reserved. The band was booked. The bridal shower was given. Gifts were received. The invitations were sent! I was one month away from walking down the aisle....when something hit me like a ton of bricks. I had planned the perfect wedding. I had not planned the perfect marriage. I knew in that moment....If I get married to this man, I will get divorced.
This is not a good feeling. I thought I was stuck. I thought it was too late. How could I possibly stop this now?? It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life, but I stopped it. In the most tactful way I could, I called it off. I felt like people weren't going to understand. I felt like people were going to be so upset with me. Guess what happened? I got so much support...even from his family who I was extremely close to. In the end...it was the best decision I ever made.
That experience made me realize I was stronger than I thought I was. I realized I wasn't going to settle. I learned to love myself. I got to know myself. I decided what I wanted in my life and started making changes in that direction. I started reading books about the Law of Attraction. I decided it was more important for me to be happy than to be married. I became just fine on my own.
When I was 31 I met the man I'd been waiting for my whole life. I actually shouldn't say it like that...because I wasn't "waiting" for him anymore. I believe he came into my life once I put out into the universe what I truly wanted and was happy regardless. This was a man I would marry.
This brought me into a new scenario I hadn't thought of before. What if I found a man I would marry....but he didn't want to marry me? He loved me. He was committed to me. We were happy. We had everything that I would want from a marriage, even a ring...but we didn't have that piece of paper. I could understand why. He had been married before and he said he never wanted to get married again...it had given him a run for his money...literally, and I could understand that. At first, I wasn't sure I liked it, but I came to terms with it. I didn't want kids of my own and I had made the decision to be happy...and I was. I could leave just with hopes of getting married someday...or stay with the man of my dreams. It became an easy decision to stay.
We lived seven happy years this way. I never brought up marriage again. We lived together and I was helping him raise his two sons which became such a light in my life because I love both my stepsons so much. I can't imagine my life without them. It was actually quite perfect.
One day, on my birthday, I got the surprise of my life. He proposed to me. I was honestly shocked. I started to cry with joy before I could even say yes. Of course, I was elated, but not because I was getting married...but because I was marrying him. Knowing how much it meant for him to come to that decision on his own meant so much more than any wedding. We got married five months later. A small wedding of only 35 people. It was the perfect day.
I love that it happened this way for us. It was worth the wait. I knew with all my heart that he wanted to marry me. I believe that we'd still be together even if we hadn't married. We are together because we want to be, not because we have to be. We married for the right reasons. I believe a foundation like that can stand the test of time. Marriage takes work. You have to treasure it and never take it for granted.
We spend a lot of time with some couples that are truly happy. When we are with them, there is no gossip, there is no drama, there is none of that. It's such a positive environment and I'm so grateful to have people in my life that bring us up, rather than bring us down.
I sometimes wonder what would've happened if I would've made a different decision all those years ago...I may have been married, but I wouldn't have been happy. By finding the strength to fight for my happiness then... I now get to have both. I am so grateful for that.
I hope you take the time to read this article by Brooke Hampton that inspired me to write this blog post and tell my story... here is my favorite part:
Spin solo until you are in perfect harmony with source and are able to create magic alone. Then you can, if you choose, attract someone who can spin along side you. The result is two beautiful souls who are spinning separately, but in perfect harmony... that's where magic happens!
For the complete article click"Don't Marry Your Soul Mate" by Brooke Hampton