5 Things a Good Man Does and 5 Things He Doesn't

a-good-man I got a message from someone on Twitter the other day telling me that they work at a shelter for women with children... and wanted to let me know that my blog has been inspirational.  I'm so thankful for the feedback and thought this would be an important subject to write about...

Recently I came across a website that I found very interesting.  It's called The Good Men Project which is written by men who are sharing their stories about defining moments in their lives.  It was started in 2009 and they set out to start an international conversation, that no one else is having, about what it means to be a good man in the 21st century. And with over 5 million visitors joining in every month, it looks as if they've done exactly that.

I love that men are aspiring to be "good men" and are sharing it.  I know some very good men that are always trying to better themselves.  I've also known men that could definitely use some improvement...and that's putting it lightly.  I wanted to write about this article to share a man's perspective on what defines a good man....here's what is has to say....

♦◊♦ 'While there are many ways to size up a good man, the most important measure is the way he conducts himself. A good man isn’t perfect—he’s a mensch, not a saint. But his behavior is aspirational, and he works hard to uphold a standard. The list below is by no means definitive, nor is it meant to be all-encompassing. But it’s surely a good start at characterizing the modern good man.

5 Things a Good Man Does...

  1. A good man models respectful behavior. At home, at work, in social situations, even encounters with strangers, a good man always behaves respectfully, not only because it’s the right way to treat others, but also to show others the right way to treat people.
  2. A good man honors his families—the one he grew up in and the one he forms—and considers them as one. If rancor arises within or between them, he quickly quells it, and he tolerates no divisiveness or sniping.
  3. A good man is generous. He expands his life beyond home and work and gives what he can—his time, his expertise, his resources—to people who need and to causes he cares about.
  4. A good man manages his emotions. He expresses his feelings but doesn’t wallow in them. He is spontaneous but not impulsive. And rage is not in his range of behavior.
  5. A good man values his time. He completes his work and enjoys his leisure, but he doesn’t fritter hours away on meaningless activities or mindless entertainment. And those he loves come first on his calendar.

5 Things a Good Man Doesn't Do...

  1. A good man doesn’t objectify women. He knows the difference between appreciating beauty and reducing a person to the sum of her parts. And he teaches it to his children, too.
  2. A good man doesn’t glorify violence—he abhors it. He understands that fighting may be necessary—to protect the innocent or defend a nation at war. But he sees violence as a last resort that has no place in everyday life.
  3. A good man doesn’t avoid responsibility or stay on the sidelines. If it’s his fault, he owns up. If it’s his job, he steps up. When the game’s on, he suits up. And if a person or principle he values is threatened, he stands up and steps in.
  4. A good man doesn’t take foolish risks. He keeps what he earns, doesn’t gamble, spends smartly, and invests wisely. He wants to enjoy his future and therefore doesn’t jeopardize it.
  5. A good man doesn’t use force or power to intimidate or control, because ultimately, his conduct is more important than the outcome.'

-This article was written by Thomas G. Fiffer   ♦◊♦

What are your thoughts about this list?  I think it's a great list to get a conversation started.  I think that men could learn a lot from it.  Here are a few more of my thoughts about it specifically....

First of all, I'll admit I had to look up the word 'mensch'.... it means "a person of integrity or honor"...in case you were about to google it;)

I don't necessarily like the word "abhors" violence in general.  Toward women, yes, but there is a time and a place when I believe a good man steps up and shouldn't hesitate protecting his family...but the explanation clarifies it to mean this, I think.

The other one that I would slightly disagree with is to "honor his families..."  Yes, I absolutely agree about the family he has formed or chosen, his spouse, his children...  But depending on the kind of family he was raised in, I believe he has a choice to make.  If it happens to be a negative environment to bring his current family into, I think it's also a good man that recognizes that and makes the decision based on what's best for his current family.  I just don't believe in ALL situations they should be considered as ONE.

I think this would be a great list to show your sons.  Having two stepsons myself who are growing into "good" young men, I've seen them make mistakes, but have seen how those mistakes changed them for the better.  It's so important to point them toward the right path.  No one is perfect; mistakes will be made.  The important thing is to own them, learn from them, and grow... always uphold a standard for yourself and always aspire to be better.

If you happen to feel like there aren't any good men left, they're out there.  Everyone deserves to have a good man in their life.  It's our job as women to not only be good women, but to believe we are worthy and deserving of a good man.

For more information on the Good Men Project or just to check out the male perspective....visit the site goodmenproject.com

It's Frenchie Friday! Find your Happiness...

IMG_7801 T-G-I-Frenchie Friday!!!  This morning "Stella" made me think of the simple happy moments that we let pass by all too often...

These are the moments that actually define happiness.  They can be the smallest moments in life that make up our happiness if we take the time to notice them.  Today it was the sunshine on "Stella's" face.  She absolutely loves sunshine, she'll seek it out and today the first thing she did was run up to the window and she just looked so happy.   Watching her in her small simple moments reminds me to enjoy my small simple moments.  We tend to wait for this BIG life event to be happy.  We are missing it completely.   When we wait for happiness to come to us, it never arrives because happiness isn't an outside job, it's an inside one.

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Dogs can remind us sometimes to simplify and just enjoy the present moment.  They are the ultimate "in the moment" creatures.  They don't hold grudges; they love unconditionally.  I hope you start looking for those small subtle moments in YOUR life...there's probably happiness lurking all around you, take notice....don't let happiness pass you by.  Be grateful.  You see, happiness is so tiny and so small that it’s fleeting...if you don’t take the time to see it.

"Keep your face always toward the sunshine and the shadows will fall behind you."  -Walt Whitman

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Paleo Thin and Crispy Chocolate Chip Cookies

thin-and-crispy-chocolate-chip-cookies I've a huge fan of Tate's cookies because they are THIN and CRISPY and SO AMAZINGLY DELICIOUS!

I've been searching for a while to find a Paleo version of those....these are close!!!!  These Paleo thin and crispy chocolate cookies are AMAZING.  I'm a fan of a thin and crispy chocolate chip cookie.  My family tried these and they said that these might be the best cookies I've made yet....even before I made "healthy" cookies!!  I had to agree!

These are super tasty.  Here's what you'll need:  Makes 1  1/2 dozen

  • 1/2 cup butter, softened
  • 3/4 cup coconut sugar
  • 1/4 teaspoon salt
  • 1 cup tapioca flour
  • 1/4 cup coconut flour
  • 1/4 teaspoon baking soda
  • 3 Tablespoons water
  • 1/2 cup chocolate chips (or grain-free dairy-free chips)
  1. Preheat oven to 325 degrees.  Line a baking sheet with a silicone pat or parchment paper.  This is important, I was out the first time I made these and made them without and they stuck!  Use it and they won't crumble getting them off;)
  2. In a small bowl, whisk together the salt, tapioca flour, coconut flour, and baking soda.  Set aside.
  3. Beat together the butter and sugar with an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment.  Continue to beat until fluffy, about 2 minutes.
  4. Turn the mixer on low and slowly add the dry ingredients, and then the water.  Beat until the mixture combines.  Fold in the chocolate chips.
  5. Drop dough by rounded tablespoons at least 3 inches apart on the baking sheet.  Press the cookies flat with your hands or a fork.
  6. Bake for 12 to 15 minutes.  Cool on baking sheet before serving.

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These chocolate chip cookies hit the spot when you're craving a GOOOOD classic thin and crispy cookie.  The flavor is right on.  My stepson and husband are asking when I'll be making these again because they did not last long!   These with a little almond milk...or even better, a scoop of coconut milk vanilla ice cream....YUM.

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Roasted Romaine Wedge Salad

wedge-salad Last weekend my friend Danyel told me that she roasted romaine for a wedge salad and said it was amazing!  I remembered that I had ripped a recipe for this out of a magazine a while back because it looked amazing!  Last night I gave it a try...and it was amazing!

I cut romaine heads in half, lengthwise.  Leave the stem intact so it holds together.  Rinse and dry.  Get your salad toppings ready.  Use whatever you like!  I happen to LOVE a classic "wedge" salad, so I decided to do a variation of that.  It's usually made with a wedge of iceberg, bacon, lettuce, tomato and blue cheese dressing.

I cooked some bacon so it was fresh and chopped it up.  I got my other ingredients ready...of course I added some avocado!  Good fats!

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Heat a grill pan to high.  Drizzle the center of the lettuce with a little olive oil and put in face down on the hot pan for about one minute, until lightly charred.

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After a minute, it will have grill marks...take it off the heat and put it face up on a plate.

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I topped my wedge salad with halved cherry tomatoes, diced avocado, crumbled bacon, a little salt and pepper, and dressing of your choice.  For this wedge salad I used homemade dairy free ranch dressing and added some goat cheese crumbles for texture.  Serve it whole with a knife and fork!  My husband said he could really taste the "roasted" flavor of the romaine and thought it was great!  Great for a light lunch or dinner....a very pretty presentation!  You can add any toppings you like, add diced chicken to this one if you want a little more substance.

I think the next time I make this I'm going to try this variation....Roasted Veggies:  sliced portabella mushrooms, orange bell pepper slices and red onion.   For the dressing, I'm going to use balsamic vinegar, olive oil, a little spicy brown mustard and salt and pepper to taste.  I'll top it off with goat feta and some chopped almonds!  I'll update this post with pictures when I make it if it's good!  If there are any other yummy toppings that you use, feel free to share!!

What is your Daily Routine?

daily-routine What is your daily routine?  Maybe you're a stay at home mom.  Maybe you're a career woman.  Maybe you work from home.  Maybe you have kids.  Maybe not....  No matter what your life looks like, the secret of your success is found in your daily routine.

I wanted to share my experience about this with you because it took me time to realize just how important this is.  It's not what you do every once in a while, it's what you do on a regular basis that makes the difference.  This sounds so simple, but I must admit, this is not something I used to be good at.  Now that I've embraced it, it really has enhanced the quality of my life...and my family's life.

I used to eat right....every once in a while.

I used to workout...every once in a while.

I used to make my bed...every once in a while.

I used to have a perfectly clean house...not often enough!

Living this way is no way to live!  It's uncomfortable and can cause stress for the whole family.

It was actually easier for me to have a daily routine when I used to work 10 hour days outside the home, because I had to.  When I stopped working outside the home and stayed home to help raise my stepsons, it was quite a change for me.  It takes more self discipline to structure my day.  I didn't know how to be a "housewife", let alone a "mom".  It didn't feel like it came naturally to me.  At times I felt overwhelmed and wondered if I'd ever get the hang of it.  But I wanted to be good at it...so I jumped in, learned as I went, and now my stepsons are off to college!  With even more time on my hands, I'm now SO excited to have finally found my passion in life, giving back, helping others, getting really happy and healthy myself...so I can help others do the same.  Whatever your days look like, you still need to have a daily routine.

When I started to develop a daily routine, it helped me add structure to my day.  In the beginning, schedule your day like you would appointments, until you get used to it.  It will actually simplify your life.  If you work from home, schedule your day like you would if you worked outside the home.  Work for a set amount of time, with scheduled breaks and lunch.  Schedule the end of your "work day" at a set time.  Once you get used to this, you'll start to follow your routine more than you follow the clock.

Start your day off right.  Make the beds, throw a load of laundry in, unload the dishwasher...these things can help jumpstart your day if done first thing.

Keep your house clean.  Don't get lazy on this, take pride in your home.  Your family will appreciate it and it will set a good example for your kids when they leave home.  Trust me, you don't have to be Martha Stewart, just keep it clean.  It's important to take pride in your home.  No matter what kind of home you have, it will look better clean.  You shouldn't have a panic attack if someone drops by unexpectedly.  When I was working on this, it helped me to always keep my house in a condition as if I was expecting someone.  THIS works!

I schedule my daily routine to keep my household running smoothly.  I schedule my chores, my errands, and my work.  Make a list of what you need to do on a daily basis.  Make a list of what you need to do on a weekly basis.  Make a list of what you need to do on a monthly basis.  Make a list of what you need to do seasonally.  Decide what works best on which days and put them on a calendar!  Start letting your SCHEDULE dictate your day.  Trust me, this is easier than looking around your house and seeing EVERYTHING that needs to get done and not knowing how you'll ever have the time!!  It can cause panic and anxiety, right?  Make a plan and let your schedule dictate your day.  You don't have to do everything at once, as you start using a daily routine schedule, you will be able to keep up with tasks easier.

Here are The Daily 7 For a Highly Successful Household:  -by Stephanie O'Dea of totallytogetherjournal.com

  1. Make Beds Right Away (simplify your bedding if you haven't, you really don't need 100 throw pillows!  Pull beds away from walls)
  2. Do One Complete Load of Laundry (this means wash, dry, fold, put away)
  3. Empty All Garbage Cans (especially the kitchen...great chore for kids!)
  4. Keep Your Kitchen Sink Empty (once one dish gets left in the sink, other dishes are attracted to it like a magnet, you know this is true!)
  5. Clean Up After Yourself and Help Children Do the Same
  6. Bathroom Wipe-Down (keep cleaning wipes in each bathroom or use something from the dirty hamper to do a quick wipedown!)
  7. Before Bed 10-Minute Clean Up (tidy up, put things away, straighten couch pillows, fold throw blankets...you'll be happier each morning!)

Get your kids involved in learning to develop a daily routine too.  Kids love and crave structure.  Even at a young age, they'll still learn routine by knowing what's coming next.  For example, dinner, then playtime, then bath time, then teeth brushing, then reading, then bed.  As they get old enough have them help out around the house.  This will help create healthy habits for them in the future.  Having a daily routine for kids helps them expect what's coming next so there's less stress at bedtime.  Routines help families feel more relaxed.

Get some exercise.  Even if it's walking with your kids in a stroller, an evening stroll with your spouse, a workout class, make sure you get moving and stay moving...it will keep you happier and healthier.  I encourage you to work this into your routine so it becomes a habit.

Schedule your time off.  Don't forget this one.  If you don't schedule it, it won't happen.  When you don't work outside the home or are a stay at home mom....people don't realize it's still A LOT of work!  You need to schedule some down time just for you.  Maybe it's a little time each day.  Maybe it's a whole day, or days, off if that works for you.  I like scheduling a time because it leaves you "guilt free".  I hate the image of moms dropping their kids off at school and spending their days watching soap operas on the couch eating Bon Bons!  I don't, and have never known, any moms who actually do that!  I don't think moms get enough credit.  Busy moms tend to go go go and don't take any time for themselves.  You need this for your sanity!  If you feel like you couldn't possibly find the time for you....try.  Even a little will help.

It's a mindset I had to adjust to.  I would often feel guilty for taking "me time" because I wasn't officially "working" anymore.  But running a household is a lot of work, I wasn't giving myself enough credit.  I've since gotten over that. ;)  I just make sure my husband is happy and all my other stuff is done first!

Be efficient.  Don't create a lot of busy work just to seem busy.  Now this doesn't apply to the truly busy moms out there who literally have trouble finding enough personal time to take a shower or go to the bathroom by themselves!  I'm talking about women who work from home, kids are older, or are empty nesters like me...it can leave you with free time!  Use it wisely.  Finish chores, errands, etc efficiently and guess what?  You can have more time to do something else you enjoy!!  What's next?  Take a class, learn something new, what is something that you've always wanted to do?  What's your passion?  Maybe your spouse has more time off and you can learn something together!  Start thinking about your next adventure.

End the day right.  A key to starting each day right is ending each day right.  Remember the power of ten minutes.  Find out what small routines work at what times, and adjust.  Tidy up.  Fold laundry.  Ending the day with a clean kitchen will ensure the next day starts off right.

Last but DEFINITELY not least,  if spending time with your spouse is not happening....schedule time with your spouse, when it's just the two of you.  This gets missed too often with busy lives and little kids.  Plan a date night, a date day...get creative and plan it!  I've even heard that couples with young kids who can't get a babysitter are starting to have "dates" at home!  After really young kids go to bed they are planning elaborate dinner dates at home, getting dressed up and everything!  That's the key with this, since you're still at home you have to make it really special so you don't slip and it ends up being like any other night.  Don't skimp on the details.  This is one time you don't want it to be routine;)  

Having a daily routine will help you accomplish more, more efficiently.  Daily routines establish expectations for your family.  It will make you happier because you know there's a time for everything and you'll be less likely to feel overwhelmed.  When you feel like you're accomplishing the things in your daily routine, it's a good feeling.  If you're just starting out, or feeling overwhelmed, start small an build on it.  You'll get the hang of it.  Running a household takes practice.  It took practice for me.  If I can do it, you can too;)